Thoughts...........

I have really been struggling getting back into blogging. It takes so much TIME!!! Not only that, but Google wants more money from me to store my pictures. UGH! Frustrating! Guess my $5.00 a year got cancelled because my credit card it was automatically billed to expired and I didn't update within 7 days of the notification! Now they want like $2.47 or something near that per month. Total around $30 a year and that is for minimal storage.  Not a large amount of money, but I just was annoyed and said forget it!  That was it, no more blogging for me!

 I went off my Thyroid supplement on Sept. 27th, and began the low-iodine diet on Thursday Oct. 4th. WOW! It's not the easiest of diets. I was thinking fresh fruits and veggies all the time would be fine. But,,,,I am so HUNGRY! Hardly getting 500 calories a day. (We went to Oklahoma this past weekend to see my sister. They moved into their new home last week. My mom was there helping them unpack, so we went down to help also. We had a fun time, and it was really fun setting up their beautiful new home. So much awesome closet space. She has 2 big walk-in pantry's. LOVE IT!) Anyway, we all went to Chili's Saturday night. I took my little Tupperware container with my special meal. Oh, how I wanted some of the chips and queso. Simple pleasure in life! HA! Monday it really hit me being on this diet, and without my Thyroid meds. I was just plain exhausted. Yesterday was better with food. I added more good stuff to my fruit/veggie smoothie, and figured out recipes I could make for the diet that would make me feel more full. Slept good last night! :) Hoping my TSH levels are higher than 30 on Oct. 22nd so I can begin the Radioactive Iodine treatment. Jer's mom will be coming out to help Jer with the kids during my isolation period. Almost done with this cancer stuff.....yahoo!!!! Really couldn't ask for a better outcome, so I am grateful.

 Then there was this yesterday.(click on for link) I just don't understand! If I don't, how in the world will these parent's ever understand? This upset me so much when I learned of this yesterday morning. Just shut me down yesterday. I thought about it all day, and obviously still thinking about it, and will continue to do so. WHY??????? I know we are told not to ask why, but seriously, WHY???????????? Such a horrible, and tragic turn of events for this beautiful family. I feel like they were robbed.   One minute they are on there way to enjoy an amazing family vacation(let alone, Mia's Make a Wish trip), and the next minute they realize their daughter will never again open her eyes.  Oh, it's just too much for a parent to bare. I know, I know, we have the Gospel(that we will one day be reunited) to lean on, but wow, it's just too, too, much!!!! More than a parent should ever have to bare with. Guess this is where FAITH comes in.  FAITH, that all will be made well one day. But, how? So difficult to keep on placing one foot in front of the other, walking that path, believing it will all be made right, when something like this happens.   FAITH!  So much easier said, than done!  So, so, HARD!!!!! UGH!!!!  I just hate things like this.

 I have followed the family's blog the last 4 years, since little Mia got her transplant. I am drawn to these heart babies. I don't know why. They are just such tender spirits. Maybe because of Jeremy's brother, Josh. I don't know. She was the cutest little baby. I was so happy her story had turned out so well. Mia's mom's last post shows her sweet girl all ready for her Disney World trip! Read what she wrote! It will take your breath away! Oh, how my mommy heart aches for these parents, and the siblings. In August, her mom posted when she got to Make Her Make-a-Wish. She was so cute. Her eyes were squinted, shut tight, as she wished about seeing Minnie and Mickey Mouse at Disney World.   Someone please explain how the plan was for her to never see it. 1 hour away, and she never got to see it alive in person!   Knowing the fun, excitement, joy, and happiness she would have had there with her family makes this all the more tragic.  No words can ever be said to help them enough. All I can do is PRAY for this amazing family. Pray for a feeling of healing to someday come into their hearts. Goodness, I think mine needs to be healed. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes! I just hope Josh, Jer's brother, who's heart too just wasn't strong enough to continue carrying his strong soul, took this little girl by the hand as she entered into Heaven to greet her loved ones gone before, hugged her, and let her know that somehow it was all OK. Josh.....can you and your angel friends let her Mom and Dad know that too? :(

When Mya woke up from her nap yesterday, I just held her tight and told her how much I loved her. I studied every part of her. I feel awful that my little girl was here healthy in my arms here on this earth, and Mia's mom, doesn't get that chance again. I just cried. Poor Mya, she just stared at me. Finally, I put her down and told her again, "I Love You my Mya girl." She looked right into my eyes, gave me the sweetest smile, and said "I LOVE YOU too, mommy" Oh, be still my beating heart!

 Molly and I read her library book after school and when we were done I hugged her hard and said, "Molly, I LOVE YOU so much" Molly hugged me back, "I LOVE YOU too so much, mommy" Oh, be still my beating heart!

Madilynn came home from school so excited to show us her Ceramic Strawberry she'd been working on in her special Art Class. It is amazing! She is so creative! I told her how much I loved it, hugged her "I LOVE IT Madi. You are so talented! I LOVE YOU" "Thanks, Mom. I LOVE YOU too" Oh be still my beating heart!

 McKenzie came home and went right up to her room, shut the door, to get going on her homework. I was reading to Molly at the time. I didn't actually see her until she came down for dinner. I made them Lasagna(not on my diet plan,sad). I knew she'd smile huge when she saw what was for dinner. She did! That was enough for me! HA! She loved it! Kenz is at a frustrating age. 15yr. old girl! Enough said! I do get frustrated with her easily. She is a bit (a lot) sassy lately, and it drives me crazy!!!!! Thinking of Mia and her mommy yesterday reminded me how grateful I need to be for this beautiful, healthy, 15 year old daughter of mine. She is a healthy, beautiful, talented, spiritual, good girl! I am grateful!. After prayers last night.... "Kenz, I LOVE YOU",     "I LOVE YOU, too Mom"  Be still my beating heart.

So that is where I am at this morning.......heartbroken for Mia's family, but I am going to focus on being grateful for the small things, to the big things in my life. I will taken nothing for granted. I have a healthy beating heart inside my chest. I have a healthy husband, and children. Grateful!  I have a curable cancer! Grateful!  This diet is really not that big of a deal.  Eating very healthy....come on!  It's actually great for me! Grateful!  I can get through my treatment isolation period!  I can do this! I will not complain anymore!  I will be more grateful everyday for the living and eternal promises we are given.

I will pay my money to Google to store more pictures, as I don't want to ever forget a moment in our lives. So........ I will continue this little journal of mine for me and my family. It will be a place we can see this wonderful, blessed life we have, and the wonderful, blessed memories we've been able to make.   Get ready......during my isolation period in 2 weeks,  I will probably finally catch up on my many delayed posts!

One more thing........PRAY for the McDonald Family!  PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and PRAY more!  They will need it to carry them through the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and lifetime ahead.